


The Bucky List

by AliraMaxwell



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, 1940s Bucky, 40s bucky, F/M, Love Story, Love at First Sight, Mild Smut, Pre-Serum, Reader-Insert, Romance, Tragic Romance, Up all night to get Bucky, pre-Winter Soldier, rookie smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:45:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7237873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliraMaxwell/pseuds/AliraMaxwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky gets help from a stranger to do all the things he wanted before he has to leave for the army and kicks the bucket.</p><p>In the end, he helps you with yours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bucky List

Bucky Barnes was walking home one day. He felt proud of himself, he had just signed up for the military. Soon, he would be defending his country. As he walked past an alley as the sun set, he heard a ruckus coming from inside.

“Let me go!”

“Come on sweetheart, it’ll be really quick.”

“Let go!”

He heard a woman’s voice yelling, he stopped and glanced down the dark ally. Near the end he could see a young woman struggling to get away from a stocky, balding man. “Hey!” Bucky yelled, and ran down the alley. Usually Steve was the one to pick fights, but he was a soldier now, and he needed to start defending people.

He grabbed the man’s hand and wrenched it off of your arm, “She told you to let her go.”

“This isn’t your business kid,” the man said and glared at Bucky, “Get out of here.”

The stocky man nodded at you, as you rubbed your wrist where he had grabbed you. “Girl like that walking around alone at a time like this, in that cute skirt, just asking for it. She’s just a woman. You know how these things are.”

“No, sir, I don’t think I do.” Bucky said letting  go of the man and turning to you.

The man grabbed Bucky’s arm, and Bucky quickly turned and punched him right in the nose. The man cursed as blood spilled out and he hunched over. Bucky turned back to you and escorted you out of the alley. You walked down the street with him until you were a safe distance away. Then he turned to you.

“Are you alright, mam?” he asked you. He looked down at you, hair tossed, lips bitten red, eyes glossy from unshed tears. His heart retched.

You nodded, “Yes, thank you.” You turned and started to walk away from him, when he spoke to you again.

“You sure you don’t want me to walk you home?”

You looked over your shoulder at him and nodded, “I think I have had enough strange men around me for the night.”

“Are you going to be safe?” he asked quickly.

You were amused by his persistence and seeming worry. “I don’t have much farther now.”

You started to walk away from him again and you had gotten a few yards before he yelled after you again. “What’s your name?”

You turned around and shouted, “I don’t talk to strangers!”

From the distance, you could still see a smile tug at his lips, “Well I’m Bucky Barnes! We aren’t strangers anymore then, right?”

You shrugged and turned away from him calling back, “If you say so!”

You turned a corner and walked out of his sight. Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Man, she sure was one pretty dame. He shoved his hands into his packets and turned to leave, looking up at the sky in a day dream.

 

 

A few weeks had past and Bucky had gotten his acceptance letter to the army. He would be shipping out in the morning under a new title, Sergeant. He wanted to make his last day special, and had asked out a girl and a friend to go to the Future exhibition with him and Steve. Afterwards, they would go dancing, he promised.

It was easy for him to charm girls. He was very good looking, charismatic, strong, and an all American kind of guy. Plenty of girls would flirt with him, and he would charm them. He loved making girls smile. But he kept thinking of the girl he couldn’t really get to smile at all. He wondered who she was, where she was, if she was okay. Would he ever see her again?

After attending the exhibit, Steve backed out of going dancing to try to apply for the army again. So Bucky took the ladies to the club on his own. They pulled up in a nice car and he held the door open for them. “Come on girls, you don’t want to miss this.”

The girls giggled as he led them into the club. He was able to talk a fellow army man into dancing with Steve’s date. It wasn’t hard, she was very pretty. He hit the floor with his date and they danced into the night. He smiled down at her as she laughed.

He looked around to check on Steve’s date. His eyes scanned the crowd, until he found her. Not Steve’s date, the mystery girl. You were being led down into the dance floor by a good looking fella. Bucky felt his heart squeeze, and he pressed his lips together.

You started dancing and swinging with the man and he felt anger inside of him. Bucky kept an eye on you. Luckily he had gotten to the club a few hours earlier and the girls were already getting worn out. Especially Steve’s date, which hadn’t had the night she was expecting, considering her date was a bust. Being a good friend, and starting to get tired, Bucky’s date decided it was time to go home.

Bucky smiled at her, “I’ll get you a car.”

“You aren’t going to walk me home?”

Bucky’s eyes glanced at you from across the room, “I think I’m going to stay till the sun rises,” he said, “My last day as a free man.”

Bucky walked the girls to a cab and held the door for them. Bucky’s date paused at the car door and looked expectantly at him. Bucky knew what she wanted, but kissing her was the last thing on his mind right now. He gave her a charming smile and said, “Thanks for the memorable night, I’ll never forget it.”

She gave a halfhearted smile and nodded, sliding into the car. He shut the door and watched the cab pull away. He turned and quickly walked back into the club. He scanned the crowd and finally saw you dancing. Without thinking, he cut through the crowd and reached a hand out, tapping you on the shoulder. “Excuse me, Mam.”

You paused dancing and turned around to see who had tried to get your attention. You were welcomed with the sight of a familiar dark haired man, “Hello, stranger.”

Bucky looked at the man you had been dancing with and nodded, “Care if I cut in?”

The man looked pretty disappointed, but nodded and walked away. You were a little surprised; you had been having a good time. You watched him walk away and turned to your handsome stranger. He was holding a hand out to you. You took it, and he led you into the next dance.

Your eyes wandered over his thick looking uniform, “So you’re an army fella.”

He smiled his thousand wat smile at you, “Sergeant Bucky Barnes.” He said, “I will be shipping out in the morning.”

You nodded, “So, Sergeant, are you following me?”

His eyebrows went up and his face went blank, “No, mam.”

You gave him a soft smile. He smiled in return, his heart skipping a beat. He spun you and dipped you down suddenly. You gasped as he dipped you, and he chuckled under his breath. “Are you ever going to tell me your name, doll? Or should I just keep calling you mam?”

His breath tingled against your lips. “Maybe one day, Sergeant.”

He kept you close and danced with you all night, until the club was closing down. He helped you with your coat and walked you out of the club into the morning. “So, this is goodnight, then?” you asked him.

Bucky shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground. When he looked back up at you, he looked boyish and young. “Will you go for a walk with me? I don’t think I am quite ready for the night to be over.”

You nodded, looking at him softy. He smiled brightly and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You walked towards a nearby park. “So, tell me about yourself, Sergeant.”

He glanced down at you from the side, and soon he was telling you his life story. He told you about his best friend, Steve, who he had applied for the army with, but only he was accepted. He told you about his family life, and his dreams and aspirations. Soon, the sun was rising.

“At least I got to do one thing on my Bucket List before I go.” He said.

“Bucket List?” you asked, confused.

He smiled, embarrassed, “I had a list of things I wanted to do before I joined the army. In case I … you know, don’t come back.”

You pressed your lips together, and felt sadness inside. He was so sweet and kind and wonderful. You felt so comfortable with him, and safe. You didn’t want to think about if he did not come back. You suddenly realized that you were going to be waiting for him to come back. That you wanted to be with him.

“What did you do that was on your list?”

He glanced up to meet your eyes, “Well, mam, I was hoping to see you again.”

You felt your body flush and your cheeks heat up. “What else?”

He looked down and rubbed the back of his head, “I wanted to be married by now. Have a family I could protect. All the other fellas are going be missing their sweeties when we batch out. Tellin stories.” His voice fell soft and silent, “I guess I’ll just be missing you.”

You felt your breath hitch in your throat. He laughed and tried to play it off as a joke, “Unless you want to marry me, that is.”

“Sure.” You said without hesitation. You both were surprised. You stared at each other for a few minutes in quiet. You laughed and looked away, “What would you want to marry me for? You barely know me.”

“I knew you were the girl I was going to marry the moment I saw you with that fella.”

The shock went straight up your spine, and you slowly looked up at him. His eyes were serious and you could swear you saw a pink tint to his cheeks.

“When I noticed you were with some other fella…. It damn near killed me.” He said the last part quietly, and then shook his head, “I don’t know what it is about you, mam. I just can’t seem to get away.”

This was the dream wasn’t it? Meet a nice handsome man and start a family? Be swept off your feet by a tall dark stranger and go live in a castle? You couldn’t think of a more perfect story. You couldn’t think about this beautiful person going to war and dying without having someone to love him.

“Let’s go then, Sergeant.” You said and held your hand to him, “Those church bells are waiting.”

He looked at you, his face was blank but his eyes were struck with disbelief. His hand was shaking as it grabbed your and you walked down to the court house. You were waiting at the steps when someone finally showed up to open the place.

“We want to get a marriage license.” Bucky told the person, “We must be married right away.”

The woman glanced at the two of you, “It usually takes a few days for the application to be approved and to get a minister.”

“Please, mam.” He said to the woman and flashed her one of his smiles that made girls swoon. “I told my girl that I would marry her before I ship out. I leave in just a few hours, mam, and if we don’t get our license, then my girl won’t get the money and benefits I earn while I fight for my country.” He pleaded. You looked up at him, he was very persuasive, and you believed him. You noticed the woman there believed him as well.

“If I can’t send money home to my girl, how is she going to support our home? Young women, they don’t make a lot of money, they need their husbands to support them. Keep food on the table and a roof on their head.” He begged, “I gotta support my girl.”

The woman sighed, “Alright, wait right there.”

 

 

Bucky pulled you out of the courthouse by your hand, you were both laughing. He held the paper up into the air, “Look at this! I’m a married man.” He smiled brightly and turned to you, bowing, “Thanks to you, Mrs. Barnes.”

You curtsied, “Mr. Barnes.”

He laughed and pulled you into an embrace. You felt your body heat up and your cheeks flushed. You looked up at him, as he had stopped smiling and laughing. He was now looking at you very seriously. “What is it?” you asked him.

You saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “Do you think it would be alright if I kissed my bride now?”

Your face turned red, “I suppose that’s just fine with me.”

His eyes flicked down at your lips, and slowly moved back up to your eyes. His grasp around you tightened and he lowered his face down to yours. His lips pressed firmly against yours as you felt sparks. Your heart was pounding so loud you thought it may explode.

The moment was over too soon as he pulled away from you. His cheeks were flushed and he touched his lips. “That was the sweetest kiss I’ve ever had, doll.”

You looked down at the ground. He would be leaving shortly. You barely had any time left with him. You had spent the entire night making sure this soldier had all his dreams come true before he had to leave. “What do we do now?” you asked him. “What is left?”

He looked up at you in question. You smiled softly and took the paper from him, folding it nicely and sliding it into your purse, “You’re married now. What else is on your list?”

He cleared his throat. “You don’t really have to do anything else for me, doll.”

“What are wives for?” you quipped.

He gave a soft smile. “I can’t really say…”

You could see his face stained with red and you placed a hand on his shoulder, “Come on, Sergeant, we’re running out of time.” As you said it, you could hear the desperation in your voice.

Apparently he could hear it too because he looked up at you. “Well, Mrs. Barnes, I…”  


You looked up at him, he was hesitating. You rubbed his shoulder for support.

He looked down, “I always thought I would have bed a woman before I left.”

Chills ran up your spine once more, “Oh.”

He chuckled under his breath, still not looking at you. “Most probably thought I would have by now. They don’t see me as much for morels.”

You looked down at the ground, in thought. Is this really a game? Is this the kind of person you were? You wanted to know how everyone would see you. If you gave yourself away, it would be forever. It wouldn’t be just helping a stranger with his dreams. You had not thought about how much he was giving you when you said you would marry him. All of his money really would go to you instead of his family. If he died in battle, you would get everything from him. What did he have of yours? He didn’t even know your name.

You looked at him. Really did. There was a part of you that would always be waiting for him. That if he came home you would want to pursue this. It would be an easy decision.

“What are we waiting for?” you said, causing him to catch your gaze, “We’re married now. I don’t think it’s really official until we do, right?”

Bucky was in shock by you once more. You gave him a soft smile and took his hand and led him to your home.

It was a small, cramped apartment. The only thing a young working girl could afford. You rattled the keys and threw the door open. “Wait.” Bucky said and you turned to him. “I want to do this right.”

He grabbed your shoulders and scooped you up into his arms, carrying you over the threshold. You smiled at him, “Should I get a broom as well?”

He smiled at you, and it made your heart melt. “It couldn’t hurt.”

You laughed and closed the door after he set you down. As the bolt locked with a defining clunk it all set in again. You glanced over your shoulder at him, and he was watching you seriously.

You looked over at the clock slung on your wall. One hour left. You took off your coat and set it on a hook by the door. You passed him and headed towards the bedroom, “It’s this way.”

He followed you into the bedroom. A thick atmosphere of awkwardness set in around the room. Bucky was standing stiff by the door. You didn’t want to back down now. You turned from him and pulled your hair over your shoulder. “Can you help me?”

He took a few steps toward you and his shaking hands grabbed your zipper and pulled it down. You shrugged your dress off and it pooled around your feet. You kicked off your shoes and turned to him. He was red as a cherry.

You took a deep breath in and ran your hands over his broad chest. “You won’t want to get it dirty.”

He shook his head and started undoing his coat. Once his was down to his bare chest he hesitated again, “Why are you doing this for me?”

You sat down on the bed and watched him. You looked at him with soft eyes and smiled, “I knew I was gonna marry you the moment you kissed me.”

He laughed, “You were already married to me by then.”

You smiled, “Isn’t it funny how life works?”

He walked over to you and kneeled in front of you. He placed a hand on your cheek and you rested your face into it. You smiled at him softly and he leaned up to kiss you. Your lips met and there was fire. Your hands ran up through his hair and one of his arms wrapped around you. The other braced the bed as he lowered you onto your back.

Your hands run over his smooth chest, as his hands fumbled with your bra. Soon it was on the floor. He sent kisses down your neck and over your breasts. His arms wrapped around your hips and he pulled you upwards, your body meeting his mouth as he took one of your nipples into his mouth. He sucked on it, and flicked his tongue over the soft bud. One of his hands wandered from your hips to grope your other breast.

You moaned and laid your head back, enjoying the sensation. He pulled away and peppered kisses down your stomach. His movements were rushed as he started undoing his belt. He shoved his pants down and kicked them away; you reached down to help him with his boxers.

He hesitated as your eyes laid on him. He took a gulp and laid you back down once more. He slowly pulled your panties down and threw them onto the floor, fully exposed to each other.

You could feel the heat creep up your skin as his eyes traveled over you. Judging you. He lowered yourself down over you and kissed you deeply. You felt his warm hand place against your womanhood, and your body twitched. He rubbed it up and down as you let his tongue into your mouth. Your hands scratched up his back, causing his back to arch and him to roll his hips forward onto you. He let out a soft groan.

He pulled up and positioned himself at your entrance. You held your breath as he pushed slowly inside of you. Your nails dug into his back as you stretched. He grunted as he pushed all the way in. His body locked into place, afraid to move, as you both got used to the sensation.

He made a few small thrusts into you, causing you to mewl at each one, helping you stretch further to his size. Finally, both of your bodies began to relax.

He lowered down to kiss you, and began thrusting in and out of you as a steady pace. Your hands found their way back into his hair as his traveled your body. He grabbed your hips and pulled you towards him, angling them and using them as leverage to thrust faster into you. You moaned loudly, and you could hear him grunt against your lips with each thrust.

He pulled away from your lips and bit into your neck, almost a little hard and you moaned his name. His motions became frantic, his hips thrusting wildly as he moaned into your shoulder. He pulled away and looked at you, mouth open, as he keep thrusting, “I can’t hold it, darling.”

You bit your lip and looked at him, “Fill me up, Sergeant.”

He moaned and put his forehead down you your chest and he thrust harder into you, causing your back to arch as you screamed out for him. He gasped, giving a few more thrusts, and soon he was spilling into you. His arms shook as he held himself above you, until it all came out.

He collapsed next to you, breathing heavily. You placed a hand over your stomach as you felt all of your muscles convulsing. Stickiness slid down your folds and pooled beneath you on the bed.

You rolled onto you side to look at him. His eyes were closed, and a layer of sweat glistened over his forehead. He was breathing heavily, his mouth open. You leaned over him and caught him mouth in a sloppy, open mouth kiss.

He held your face in his hands as he looked up into your eyes. His eyes twitched back and forth, studying all of your features and taking you all in. Soon, he glanced away from you at the clock on your bedside table. He sighed, and closed his eyes tightly. “I have to go.”

You felt a hand clench around your heart, “I know you do.”

He shook his head, “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

The hand squeezed, “I’m sorry…”

His eyes shot up at you as he heard the sadness in your voice; “No!” he shouted and sat up, pulling you into his arms, “Not you. Never you…. Leaving. Joining the army. I’m leaving my best friend and my girl behind.”

“It’s too late now…” you whispered, and tucked your head under his chin, lying on his chest.

You felt him nod. “Too little, too late…”

“I’ll be waiting for you to get back.”

“I know you will…”

 

You stood outside waiting for Bucky’s cab to pull up. He wasn’t even looking for it. His back was to the road and he spent the entire time staring at your face, holding your hands so tight it felt like he may crush them.

The car finally pulled up. You glanced from the car to him. The car honked. He pulled you into a deep kiss, wrapping his arms around you and dipping you low. Just like before, your heart pounded in your ears like it was going to pop.

Too soon, he was pulling away. Neither of you said goodbye. Neither of you said anything. It was too hard to say. He got in the car, and closed the door. His cab pulled away.

You felt a heavy weight set into your heart as you watched the car roll down the street. Soon, you were running after it.

Bucky looked out the window and saw you sprinting beside the car; he rolled the window down and hung his head out, smiling. Soon, the car was pulling ahead of you.

“What’s your name?!” Bucky shouted at you.

You smiled, “Y/N!”

You slowed to a stop as the car was too far ahead now. Bucky’s arm came out the window and he waved to you, “I love you, Y/N!” He yelled as the car turned a corner, and went out of sight.

You felt a sudden absence, everything was too quiet. “I love you too, Sergeant.”

And the world went on around you as if everything was okay.


	2. The Letter

In the weeks following Bucky’s departure, you became increasingly isolated. You had stopped going out with friends. You were lonely, and felt a deep set depression. You went to work. You came home. You lived. Every day was the same until the day you found a cream colored envelope in your mailbox.

You looked down at the hand written address. Chicken scratch. But you were able to make out that is was addressed to Y/N Barnes. Your eyes traveled over to the return address, and your heart stopped. It was from Bucky.

You quickly ran inside and over to your desk. You grabbed your letter opener and tore open the top. You pulled out and unfolded the letter, and began to read.

 

My Dearest Y/N,

I hope this letter surprises you. I know you never gave me your address, but I remembered from when I was there. I hope you haven’t moved since I left, and this still reaches you. I really miss your smile. My platoon has been here for about a week now. Man, does it suck. I miss having warm food, and a nice bed. I really wish I could lie in bed with you right now, and just look at you until the sun comes up.

All the other fellas in my group keep talking about their girls. Sharing pictures with each other. You would blow them all out of the water, doll. I sure wish I had a photo of you to show off. But even if I did, I would probably just keep it to myself.

I hope you start getting some benefits soon. You could afford stationary; because I sure would like to hear from you. You could look into getting a nicer home; one where we can live together when I get back.

I think about you all the time. It’s what gets me through the day, and especially the night. It’s so cold and lonely out here, doll. I wish I was home with you. I hope you don’t regret marrying me now. I’m sure by now you would have had some time to think about what we did. I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to be courted by another man.

I understand that there are hundreds of reasons that I might not hear back from you. But there’s a part of my heart that is holding onto it. I love you, darling.

I sure hope you love me back.

All my love,

Bucky

 

You read the letter over and over, memorizing every word. In some places, your heart would leap, and in others it would sink. You desperately wanted to be able to reach out and touch him and tell him everything was going to be okay.

You pulled open a drawer in your desk and pulled out some old paper and a pen. You would go to the store later in the day and pick up some nicer paper, so that way when you wrote him in the future, it would be on cute flowery paper. The kind of letter a guy can boast about. But for now, you just needed to get the words out.

 

Dear Sergeant,

I am so glad you wrote me.  I thought maybe you had forgotten about me. Everything has been so terrible.

I cannot wait for you to return home to me. I think about you all the time too. You may have only been in my bed once, but it feels lonely without you now.

I need you to know that I love you. I don’t think you heard me say it after you told me. But I did. I can’t stand the idea of being courted by any other man but you. Sometimes I go down to the diner down the street, just to listen to the war reports on the radio. I always listen for you.

I will wait for you to get home. Every second, every minute, of every day, I’ll wait for you. I was afraid that I was just a memory to you.

Love,

Y/N

 

You smiled for days. You read the letter over and over again. You would read it first thing in the morning, and right before bed. It was the air you breathed.

Soon, another one came.

My Dearest Y/N,

I can’t tell you how happy your letter made me. I was afraid you had moved on. I can’t wait to get home to you now. When I get home I’m going to give you a real wedding. A white dress, tuxedo, and a real first dance. I’m coming home to dance with you.

I read your letter all the time. I hope this one reaches you fast so I can get more from you. Please never stop writing me.

All My Love,

Bucky

 You were so excited that you had started looking at wedding dresses. You had no idea what you would wear, but over the weeks that passed, you would have everything planned. You would continue to write him, and he would write back. It was everything that kept you going.

The letter that came to you next was thick. When you opened it, bills had fallen out. You looked at the letter.

My Dearest Y/N

I love all of your ideas for our wedding. I can’t wait to make all of your dreams come true. Have you been getting the money from me fighting? You should be able to move out of that small apartment soon. I think you should!

I have been saving up what I could make here and I have packed it in this letter. I wish I was there for this, but I don’t want you to have to wait. This money should be enough to buy you a ring. I know I didn’t have time to get you one. I want you to go to the store and buy the biggest flashiest ring they have.

I wish I could give you one myself, but all of your talk about our wedding made me too excited. I want you to have it now. I wish I could see it. Please tell me all about it.

All my Love,

Bucky

 

You would go down that day and buy a ring. Even though Bucky wanted you to pick out something flashy and big, you settled on something simple. His life wasn’t big and flashy, and neither was yours. You found one that was beautiful and was just right.

Because you had picked something simple, you had money left over. You went and bought yourself a radio, so you could listen to the war reports all of the time from your home. With a little bit left over, you decided to do something to surprise Bucky. You went down to get your photograph taken. You made sure you placed your hand up on your shoulder so your ring was visible. You slipped it in your response letter, letting him know everything you did.

His reply came faster than ever.

My Dearest Y/N

You are more beautiful than I remember. Thank you for the picture, darling, It was the best surprise of my life. I look at it every day. I keep it in my pocket, even when I go on missions. When I get discouraged or in a bad situation I look at your picture; it’s more motivation for me to come home faster than ever.

I wish I could send myself to you in a letter. I have to go now, I’ll write again soon because this was so short. But I’m needed right now, so I’ve got to go.

All My Love,

Bucky

 

You two wrote back and forth for months, and your love never wavered. Until one day you checked your mail box and were greeted by a letter addressed to Y/N Barnes form Bucky’s station, and it wasn’t the familiar chicken scratch you had learned to love.

You ripped the letter open and your eyes ran across the page. Tears fell from your eyes and you fell to your knees. Bucky had fallen in battle. He was gone. You wept for days.

The following days were cold. Not outside, but inside of you. You couldn’t bring yourself to eat, or go to work. You wouldn’t leave your bed. You spent every minute reading the letters he had sent you over and over again.

For months, you went on living, but you no longer felt alive.

 

 

 

 

One day you were sitting in the kitchen when your phone rang. You wouldn’t even look up from your glass. It rang and rang and eventually fell quiet. You sighed. Then the phone rang again.

You looked up at it, an eyebrow raised. You slowly got up and walked over to the phone. You picked up the receiver, “Barnes residence.”

“Wow. It’s so strange to hear you say that.”

The phone clattered to the floor as you dropped it, your mouth hung open and tears welled in your eyes. “Bucky?”

You heard your name being called form the phone on the floor. You quickly dropped to the ground and grabbed the receiver, “Bucky?!” you yelled into the phone.

His voice was sweeter than sugar. “It’s me, doll. I thought you deserved more than a letter on this one.”

You wept.

“Aw, don’t cry, doll. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“I thought you were dead. How are you even alive?”

“Captain America came to save me.”

“Captain America?” you asked, you had heard him on the radio sometimes. He seemed like a poster child. You had no Idea he was a real soldier.

“And want to know the real kicker? It’s Steve. Steve is Captain America!”

“Steve?” you asked, whipping tears from your eyes. Bucky had told you all about him. He had written Steve just as much as he wrote you. He was Bucky’s best friend.

“I thought you were gone forever.”

He chuckled, “I can’t die yet,” he said, “I haven’t come home to dance with you yet.”

You cried into the phone. You couldn’t believe he was really alive. He was back. He came back from the dead for you. E shushed you and spoke sweet things to you until you quelled your tears.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you so much, Bucky.” you sobbed into the phone.

“I am never leaving you again, I promise.”

 

The letters started again. You thought about throwing away his death letter, but you decided to keep it. It was proof that love can overcome anything, even death.

 

Dear Bucky,

It’s been so long since you came back to me. It makes me miss you even more. It has been so long since you have left. How much longer can the war be? I hope it is over soon. Hearing your voice just renewed my faith; but I long for your company that much more.

My family cannot wait to meet you. They have been wondering about the man I am married to, and why I never told them.

I started working again. I could finally bring myself out into the world. It pays a little more than my last job. I’m going to start looking at houses for us next week. Some place nice where we can raise children. I will send you pictures when I find the right place.

Love,

Y/N

It would take weeks. Looking for the perfect home for Bucky to come back to was hard, because you wanted everything to be perfect. The idea of him coming home became more and more hopeful to you as you heard about all the progress that Captain America was making in taking out all of the bases of the enemy. There weren’t may left now. Soon Bucky would be home in your arms.

When you finally found the perfect home, you took a picture of it for Bucky. You had bought a camera with some of the money from the war. You made an offer on the house and went home to write about it.

 

My Dearest Y/N

I love the house you picked. That is going to be our home, I can tell. I hope you get it. Let me know what the address is, so I can send you letters right away.

You’re right about the war being almost over. I’ll be home before you know it now. Steve and I are taking the commandos to try and take them out for good. It’s almost done, doll. I cannot wait to see you.

I love you so much, Y/N. I’m almost home.

All My Love,

Bucky

 

His letter made you smile and cry all at the same time. You would hear back about the house the following day, when you returned home from picking up new stationary. You quickly sat down to write Bucky.

 

Dear Bucky,

We got the house! We have a home now. I cannot wait to pick out all of the furniture to fill it up. It is so much larger than my apartment. I’m going to get one of those large beds I hear about for us to lie in together.

They said I can start moving in in two weeks. I guess I’ll be packing up my boxes for the next few days. Our new life is just at the tips of my fingertips. All I need now is you.

As soon as I move in I will mail you with the address!

Love,

Y/N

 

It would be over a week before you would get a response. Your entire apartment was packed up into boxes, and the moving truck would be there in the morning, and you would be going to your and Bucky’s home. You heard clatter outside the door, and you smiled. You knew the familiar clatter of the mail man leaving letters for you.

You smiled and ran out, opening your mailing box and pulling out the letter. The smile fell from your face and your heart sunk with a gravely familiar feeling.

The letter was addressed to you, from Bucky’s base, but not in his writing. You walked inside and closed the door. You sat down at the kitchen table and opened the letter.

 

Dear Y/N,

You don’t know me, but my name is Steve Rogers. I thought that you deserved more than just any other letter that gets sent out. Bucky has told me so much about you. You should have seen his face the way it lit up when he talked about you. The idea of going home to you was what kept him going.

That’s why it’s so hard for me to write this. Bucky has died. We were on a train, we almost had them beat. I tried to save him, but I couldn’t. I want to extend all of my apologies to you.

Bucky Barnes was my best friend in the entire world. And the way he talked about you, I knew he loved you with every fiber of his being. I never knew anyone could make him so happy.

I hope he did the same for you. I hope you remember him just like that, as I will. Bucky will not have died in vain. I am going to stop them, and this war. I’m going to do it for Bucky, and I am going to do it for you. I am not the only one that has lost someone today. I want you to know that you are not alone.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Steve Rogers

Captain America

 

The tears stained paper shook in your hands as you cried upon it. Your body shook as it crumpled to the floor in a heap. You were unable to breathe. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Bucky would come back, just like he came back before. He came back from the dead before. You knew he would. Steve was wrong. All you had to do was wait and Bucky would be alive again.

Everything was raw and broken. You waited and waited for a day that would never come. But you never gave up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more left. You don't want to miss this!


	3. Life After Bucky

Bucky stood in front of an all too familiar apartment. It had been so long since he was there, but it felt like he never really left. He had left a part of him here many years ago. Yet there was something about it that wasn’t the same.

 Bucky knocked on the door and waiting, holding his breath. When the door finally creaked open, an elderly woman greeted him. “Hello.” She said, and walked away from the door, leaving it wide open.

Bucky’s eyes followed him as his brows wrinkled together in confusion. “Hello?” he called, “Mam, can I come in?”

When no one answered, he walked inside and closed the door. He heard shuffling coming from the kitchen. When he came in the old woman was setting up tea cups around the table, she had set the table for three.

“Please sit.” She said. Bucky walked over and sat down at the table, the woman sat across from him and smiled.

Bucky glanced over at the third cup of tea. “Are you expecting someone?”

“My husband will be coming home soon.” She said with a smile.

“Oh.” He said and nodded.

“What brings you here, lovely?” the woman asked as she pooled spoon after spoon of sugar into her cup.

Bucky sighed, “Well, my sweetie used to live here, Mam, and I was sure hoping I could see her again.”

“That’s sweet.” The woman smiled. Bucky kept glancing at the cup on the table, when the woman asked him, “How long have you been trying to find her?”

Bucky looked up at the woman, his eyes filled with sadness, “A lifetime.”

He drew his attention away from the cup around the room. The house was small and cramped, just as he had remembered. “Mam, why haven’t you moved out? This place is so small. There are homes with people who could take care of you.”

The woman simply shook her head. “I can’t leave.”

“Why?” he asked, almost upset.

Her eyes met him in a sparkle, “I’m waiting for someone.”

 “Oh.”

“I hope you find your girl, son.” The woman smiled at him.

“My wife, actually…” he said with a soft smile. “I was coming home to dance with her.”

“She must be very lucky.” The woman said with a smile.

Bucky nodded, and then looked up at the woman. “Would you dance with me, mam? I’ve been waiting a long time. We can wait together.”

The woman giggled. Bucky smiled and stood up, walking over to her and he held out a hand. The old woman blushed and took his hand. He pulled her up and into the living room. He took both her hands in his and began slow dancing with the elderly woman. She started laughing and laughing, and Bucky could not help but smile down at her. Soon, she was slowing down; her body was shaking, and Bucky had to hold her up for support.

“That quite took the wind right out of me.” She said quietly. “I think I need to lay down for a little while.”

Bucky nodded. She looked up at him. “Would you mind helping me to my bed?”

“Of course.” He said and wrapped his arm around her shoulders to keep her up. They walked down the hall towards the bedroom. As they reached the door, Bucky pushed it open.

Lining the walls of the entire room were hundreds of papers. Each one pinned to the wall with a single thumbtack. There were so many that they over layered in places. The wallpaper was entirely covered. He walked over to the walls and touched the aged paper. He saw how many times the paper had been re-folded. Read over and over again. Every single letter; beginning with My Dearest, and ending with All My Love. Tears welled in his eyes as his heart retched. Every single letter he had ever written you was in this very room.

His hand shot to his mouth as the tears poured down his face, a sob retched from his throat. You had saved every one. His shoulder shook as he cried freely, his stomach clenching and body shaking. He placed a hand on the wall to support his weight; feeling he may collapse.

His eyes met the woman who had climbed into bed, and was watching him with a serene smile. He looked at her through teary eyes. He pushed himself up, still shaking with tears, and walked over to her.

“I think I am going to go to bed now.” The woman said, “I’m awfully tired.”

Bucky nodded, causing water to drop from his face. “May I lay with you, Mam?”

The woman nodded as she laid down on her bed, and turned on her side. Bucky climbed into the bed and laid next to her. Tears rolled down his face as he watched her breathe. His hand touched her hair, stroking it. He couldn’t stop the ugly sobs coming from his throat. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He stayed with her like that for a very long time.

He watched her chest rise and fall, until it didn’t anymore. A scream fell from his lips and he crumpled over. His hands shook as he held her. He begged her to come back; to open her eyes one more time.  He held her up to him, clutched to his chest as tears cascaded down onto her face. His broken voice was barely a whisper. “I love you.”

He shook his head over and over, unwilling to accept that you were gone.


End file.
